第十九章

Dear Clifford, I am afraid what you foresaw has happened. I am really in love with another man, and do hope you will divorce me. I am staying at present with Duncan in his flat. I told you he was at Venice with us. I'm awfully unhappy for your sake: but do try to take it quietly. You don't really need me any more, and I can't bear to come back to Wragby. I'm awfully sorry. But do try to forgive me, and divorce me and find someone better. I'm not really the right person for you, I am too impatient and selfish, I suppose. But I can't ever come back to live with you again. And I feel so frightfully sorry about it all, for your sake. But if you don't let yourself get worked up, you'll see you won't mind so frightfully. You didn't really care about me personally. So do forgive me and get rid of me.

亲爱的克利福德，恐怕你的预言确已成真。我真的爱上另一个男人，并希望你能跟我离婚。目前，我在邓肯家暂住。我告诉过你，他跟我们共游威尼斯。我很替你难过，可请务必心平气和地接受此事。你实际上已经不再需要我，而我也无法容忍重返拉格比。我真的充满歉意。可请你宽恕我，跟我离婚，找个比我更好的女人。我想我真的不适合你，性格过于急躁自私。可我再也无法回到你的身边。对于你，我真的感觉非常抱歉。但如果平心静气地考虑这件事，你就会发觉没有什么了不得的。你其实并不真的在乎我。既然如此，就请原谅我，抛弃我吧。

Clifford was not INWARDLY surprised to get this letter. Inwardly, he had known for a long time she was leaving him. But he had absolutely refused any outward admission of it. Therefore, outwardly, it came as the most terrible blow and shock to him. He had kept the surface of his confidence in her quite serene. And that is how we are. By strength of will we cut of our inner intuitive knowledge from admitted consciousness. This causes a state of dread, or apprehension, which makes the blow ten times worse when it does fall.

接到这封信，克利福德内心并没感到惊讶。在心里，他早就知道她会弃他而去。但在表面上，他坚决拒绝承认此事。因此，从表面看来，这封信对他而言，简直就是晴天霹雳。他外表上对于妻子的信任还是默契安稳的。我们都是这种样子。用意志力切断内心的知觉，拒绝承认已经发生的事实。这往往会引起某种惊恐忧惧的状态，当打击降临时，产生的效果比实际的大十倍。

Clifford was like a hysterical child. He gave Mrs. Bolton a terrible shock, sitting up in bed ghastly and blank.

克利福德像个歇斯底里的孩子。他坐在床上，面如死灰，呆若木鸡，这可把博尔顿太太吓坏了。

"Why, Sir Clifford, whatever's the matter?” No answer! She was terrified lest he had had a stroke. She hurried and felt his face, took his pulse.

“哎哟，克利福德爵士，您到底是怎么了？”没有反应。她生怕他是患上了中风。她赶紧上前，摸摸他的脸，号号他的脉。

"Is there a pain? Do try and tell me where it hurts you. Do tell me!" No answer!

“哪儿疼吗？试着告诉我哪儿疼。请务必告诉我！”没有回答。

"Oh dear, oh dear! Then I'll telephone to Sheffield for Dr Carrington, and Dr Lecky may as well run round straight away.” She was moving to the door, when he said in a hollow tone: "No!" She stopped and gazed at him. His face was yellow, blank, and like the face of an idiot.

“噢，天呢，噢，神呀！我往谢菲尔德打电话，请卡林顿大夫过来，请莱基大夫也赶紧过来。”她急冲冲直奔大门而去，这时听到他沉闷的声音说：“不！”她停住脚步，转头看着他。他脸色蜡黄，眼神呆滞，活像个白痴。

"Do you mean you'd rather I didn't fetch the doctor?” "Yes! I don't want him," came the sepulchral voice.